We're Stronger Than we Thought

Tuesday was packed with visitors, flower deliveries, cards, facebook messages, phone calls, texts, and love and support in every form.  Doctors, nurses, visitors continually commented about how strong we were and how happy we seemed given that 12 hours prior we weren't expecting a baby.  A NICU baby.  I kept telling everyone that there was really only one way to see it - the glass was half full.  We were blessed with a beautiful baby boy and we were in the best care possible.  Our faith, family, and friends carried us (and still do) through some of the tougher hours.  Humor helps, too.  We were harassed so many times about what Little Long's name was going to be and were given many (ridiculous at times) suggestions :)  We were supposed to have 3 more months to decide!  And so much for all the pinterest pins of packing the perfect hospital bag!  

I was healing relatively well, considering I'd just had a c-section, too.  I was thankful that the meds weren't making me sick, there were no complications, all my vitals were good, and I was just managing the pain well.  

Life in the NICU Begins

After Little Long was intubated and cleaned up, they took him to the NICU.  Matthew got to go with them while they weighed and measured him and got him set up in his isolette (incubator) in his own NICU room.  We know blue tower, floor 4, room 39 very well.  They stitched me up and took me back to my room (also on the 4th floor, near the NICU).  While Matthew was in the NICU with the doctors, nurses, and our boy, he texted me letting me know that Little Long weighed in at a whopping 1 pound, 10 ounces and measured 12.4 inches long.  Now that's a little guy!

Since I was still numb and recovering from surgery, I had to stay in my room, away from our little guy.  We quickly alerted family and friends that he was here and the visitors started coming.  That was (and still is) amazing.  If you've been one to stop by, thank you!  We've needed you (and still do) so thank you for your presence.  You've been strong for us when we can't be.

As the visitors came and I stayed in bed, Matthew graciously escorted person after person down to the NICU, enduring the 2 minute hand scrub more times than he remembers.  This is a necessary (and appreciated!) routine before entering the NICU each time.  Our little guy is in his isolette and can only be touched by nurses, doctors, and mom and dad.  However, everyone is surprise that he's not just one of many babies behind a window.  He has his own room and though you can't touch him, you get pretty close!

Beastmode

Even preemies watch the Seahawks.  Wyatt and Daddy watched the game (although in silence...Wyatt likes his room quiet.)

OR to NICU

As soon as he was born, they transferred him to his own sterile space (I could still see him, luckily!) where they intubated him (inserted a breathing tube), cleaned him off, wrapped him up, and began breathing treatments.  The entire OR team was wonderful, encouraging Matthew to take pictures. I laid on the table while they sewed me up but thrilled to be able to catch a few minutes of my boy before they took him to the NICU.  We had complete confidence in the team as they began assisting our boy.  In addition to the surgical team performing my c-section was a set of neonatalogists and nurses ready to assist baby as soon as he was delivered.

The hardest part of the delivery was no crying.  They had warned us but it just doesn't feel right to deliver a baby who doesn't cry.  We can't wait to hear that wail someday!

Delivery Day

I'll spare you the details of the c-section.  That said, it was relatively pain-free. Granted, I was still in shock and terrified thinking about my boy entering the world 3 months early.  They gave me a spinal tap, laid me down, everything from the waist down felt like bricks super-glued to the table.  They had a curtain so we weren't privy (thankfully) to watching their handiwork.  I didn't even know they had begun the c-section until the anesthesiologist pulled open a window in the curtain just as they were cutting his umbilical cord.  I was so thankful that I wasn't completely sedated so I could see my boy, knowing I wouldn't get to see or touch him for some time.  That moment was special beyond words.  

Go Time

After receiving the steroid injection and the magnesium treatment, it was time to "sleep" while the (AWESOME) nurse (Katie) continued to monitor Little Long's heart rate throughout the night.  The machine was in the room of course so we laid awake most of the night listening to his heartbeat.  Listening to it go from a normal 140 beats per minute and, each hour or so, dropping to a much slower 80, 70, 60, 50, and, at its worst, 40.  Each time it began to drop, the nurse would come in, quickly ask me to flip to my side.  They thought he was running into the umbilical cord so my flip would help him move away from it and get his heart rate back up.  

I didn't sleep more than about 20 minutes that entire night, listening and wondering when his heart rate would decelerate again.  And again.  And again.  6 decelerations and a worried OB later, the doctor came in at 4:20 Tuesday morning, announcing that it was go time.  Little Long would be delivered by c-section that morning.  The doctor had booked the OR (operating room) at 4:30, a mere 12 hours since we'd been admitted.  And, yes, ten minutes later, I'd be delivering my first born son, on my birthday, exactly 3 months premature.

Scared?  Check.  
Worried?  Check.  
Anxious?  Check.  
Terrified?  You get the idea.

We both texted our families, letting them know our baby would be arriving today.  Matthew ran to the car to grab the camera (miracle I had it!) and they put me in a wheelchair, wheeling me down to the OR.

I remember wishing so badly that I could experience labor, contractions, something, anything resembling a "normal" delivery.  

His low growth left me gaining 3 and a half pounds, never wearing a maternity top or needing the belly band I'd heard so much about.  I didn't expect to feel a "loss" not experiencing the third trimester.   But I did.

Making a Plan

We were admitted to Evergreen about 4:15 pm on Monday afternoon, following that ultrasound appointment.  The nurse continued to monitor the baby's heartbeat into the evening, spending most of her time in the room with us.  The OB on call came to visit, discussed what the doppler was doing, and how baby was doing.

Little Long's heart rate was "deceling" throughout the afternoon and evening.  His heart rate would drop, sometimes significantly, for a (usually) short time before accelerating back up to an appropriate heart rate.  The OB explained that this isn't a good sign but that we'd continue to monitor and treat (turn me on my side usually did the trick), giving baby a better chance at life with every passing hour.

Just in case they had to deliver very soon (which Matthew and I didn't really think would happen), they gave me a steroid shot intended to expedite the organ growth (particularly lungs) of my baby.  I also received a magnesium treatment (can you say hot flashes?) that was intended to protect the underdeveloped baby eyes, should he deliver early, as well.

Everything was relatively pain-free (physically) and the nurse was absolutely amazing, calming, sweet, and wonderful.

Because there was a chance I'd deliver early, after meeting with the OB, the anesthesiologist came in to talk with us and to make sure I wasn't allergic to any medications.  She and the OB also discussed c-section methods, and I was hopeful we wouldn't have to go with the "splash and go" method they described that was used in emergency situations.

The neonatologist also came in to talk very broadly about premature babies, what struggles they can have, and what life in and out of the NICU is like.

At that time, it was a lot of information, but we felt ready to receive it, happy to be informed of all of these "potential" situations.  I really think it was a blessing that we were ignorant enough to think that OUR baby wouldn't be delivered THIS early.